9-line bro card is:
Line 1. Delete Phone browser history.
Line 2. Go to phone contacts, and delete Domino’s One, Domino’s two, Domino’s three, Papa John’s one, Papa John’s two, Papa John’s three, Burger King, and Taco Bell 2 and 3. Leave Domino’s real and Papa John’s real. Also, leave Taco Bell 1. She’s earned the right to come to the hospital but schedule that shit carefully.
Line 3. Duck tape my chew can to my chest, so I have some to look forward to when I wake up.
Line 4. Divvy up the whiskey in my footlocker among my unit before the XO finds out.
Line 5. Divvy up porn stash among the unit. Don’t ship that derelict shit home.
Line 6. If my dick is blown off, do everything you can to save me, I want a robo-dick prosthetic, that’d be fuckin cool.
Line 7. If my eyes are damaged, don’t let my buddies take pics behind me hanging their balls over my head.
Line 8. There are 2 debit cards in my wallet, take the blue one out and hold it for me until I request it. Don’t tell my wife about that one.
Line 9. If I’m being evac’d because of a 2nd Lt’s screw up or friendly fire, beat his ass for me.